After the Balloons

I love the excitement of something new, time spent with someone new, the way I feel when someone takes a moment to appreciate me, lunch with family at Thanksgiving, laughing hysterically AGAIN while driving by the crazily overdecorated trailer in Grandma's town in the darkness on Christmas Eve, hearing from a peer or superior that I've completed a job well done, swinging higher, higher, higher so close to the poofy cloud sky...watching a favorite movie with a friend, playing games with friends (especially when I win!)...oh, and balloons!!! I love balloons!!!

I often find myself on a constant search for those kinds of moments...in hopes that they will be strung together like my favorite set of Christmas lights...you know...the little tiny ones that twinkle best all different colors???...but it doesn't work that way...

I've noticed over time through life that almost everytime I have one of these experiences I strive to find...on the other side is pain...
Inevitably, something unusually hard tends to follows close behind those moments I love so much. I've come to believe it's almost like a rule of the universe. You can't go to the top of the mountain without coming back down all the way to the valley, and it's always raining HARD down there!!! There is never level ground following those high points of joy and excitement...Nope! For some reason it just isn't allowed...

Chely Wright sings a song I love called Deep Down Low. Part of the song says,
"Let yourself go under
Touch the bottom of the pool
Ain't it strange and don't you wonder
How you always come back up and it's so cool...
So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go
Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darkness
You'll appreciate the light
'Cause a deep down low makes level feel so high"

I think it's true that those really painful, hard, low moments make you appreciate the everyday, mundane, blah moments of life that really aren't so bad after all!
So I guess...I've realized that while I certainly enjoy those special things that produce moments I love, I'm thankful most for the level ground. The everyday times when my God walks beside me, in front of me, behind me...and I know it's good to be alive not just on the top of the mountain, or after the rain in the valley, but on level, stable, nothing out of the ordinary ground.

Going Home

Have you ever been homesick??? Have you ever been out somewhere and just wanted to go home?
There's something so nice and comfy about home...you know just what to expect there...you don't have to wonder where to find the scissors or if you'll be able to reach your favorite plate...Everything is familar...exactly where and how you want it. It's a place of safety and security...and just... knowing...

When I was in college sometimes I would get soo homesick...the strange thing was...when I was at college I wanted to be at home with my parents...and when I was home with my parents, I wanted to be at college. No matter where I was, I felt like I wanted to go "home", and sometimes I got SOOO frustrated cause I couldn't figure out where home WAS?!? I figured when I graduated and had a place of my own, I'd finally be "home".

But, I wasn't...I spent three years in Groveport and while I recognized I was where God wanted me to be, I still didn't feel like I was "home".
Then, I moved to where I am now, and thought, maybe now I'll feel like I'm home...and for awhile, I did!!! There were boxes everywhere (still are, actually!!!), and I still felt like I was home...for a little while...
Then...about 6 months ago, things got tough at work...relationships started getting hard, harder...and suddenly I was back feeling those college days again...wishing I could go "home", but not knowing where home was...
I started envisioning the typical American dream home with the white picket fence...trying to figure out how I could afford one...cause...it looked inviting, but it wasn't right for me...not yet...and I still didn't see "home" in it...

I guess that's why God's Word tells us that this world isn't our home at all...Philippians 3:20 reminds me that my citizenship is in Heaven. Tada...Home!!! The safe, secure, comfy, familiar place I've been wanting to go all this time, but couldn't find...but now that I have figured out where home IS, I still can't get to it...not yet...but now when I get homesick...at least I know what to do...I read about Heaven, and think about all the people I love who have gone "home" before me...

For now...I'm where He wants me to be...but someday...I get to go Home!!!

Analytical Circles of Friendship

So...over the last few years I've been puzzled on and off by the very concept of friendship - what it means to be a good friend - and lately it seems this struggle has come to quite a head for me...

For instance, what is a "Best Friend"? How does one become someone's Best Friend? Is it a matter of knowing someone over time? Being a good listener? Able to make someone laugh? Availability? and how is it that people can have more than one Best Friend? Doesn't the very word Best in the title imply the inherent concept of 1 as opposed to many?
I've had very few people in my life I could call a Best Friend, none in recent years (unless you count my Mom), and as I think back on what made us close, the answers to these questions don't seem any clearer...

Even more my struggle as of late...what does it mean to be a Faithful friend? I feel this is my duty and joy, but I can't quite identify what a Faithful friend should look like...
Is this again a matter of a time requirement? You are considered a faithful friend if you stick it out over time? Or is it just about consistency, regardless of how long you have known someone?

And what happens when all you feel is drained by a friendship? When I became frustrated with a friend who shut down on me...I was certain it was time to abandon ship!!! What was the point?! For all the time, energy, and prayer I had invested, I felt I was getting little to no return on my investment. I wanted the ROI!!! Yet, I felt God clearly put me in my place! I was being selfish, He told me...I was called to be a Faithful friend regardless of what I got out of it...and when I accepted that, I felt great peace in the matter...followed by some wonderful, fun times with that friend...
Still, I don't think this is always the case...I haven't always felt such clear direction in this space with other relationships...How many of my friends over the years have drifted just far enough to be out of reach...and I felt it was the natural course of time and chapters of life...so when is it time to hold on and when is it time to let go?

Oh, and how much interaction does it take to ensure someone knows you are available to them when they need you without actually annoying them in the process?!? The last thing I want is to overwhelm anyone with too much Jenn!!! That's not a Faithful friend, that's just a mess!!!

So...I'll continue down this path of wonderment...and when I'm all done following the analytical circles in my mind, I may just still come back to the conclusion that I'll strive to be a Faithful friend...even if I don't really know what that SHOULD look like...

Newness

I'll start by saying, I've never blogged before, and I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing or what might come out of the tips of my fingers as I try...If it goes all wrong, I blame Shannon!!! :)