Chapters in Honor

Current life events have put me in a reminiscent state of mind. Upon further reflection, I am fully convinced that life is divvied up into chapters, each of which has a prominent cast of characters that make the closing of that chapter difficult to swallow.

I currently stand in the midst of a transition from one chapter to the next, and feel the need to reminisce in hopes of possibly making that transition a little more bearable.

The first key cast of characters I can recall was built through both school and church while growing up. Where would I have been throughout elementary school and jr. high without Mandy and Heather? Sleepovers, birthday parties, summers by the pool, and crushes galore. When life was simple, we made the most of it and had as much fun as three childhood friends ever could. Their parents made their houses like second homes to me, and, when classes started getting harder, and it was time to traverse the beginning of the world of dating, we fumbled through it together. But, eventually life happened, focuses changed, and high school took its toll on those relationships. Eventually I found myself heading off to college and losing touch with the friends I thought would be there forever. My first taste of the closing of a meaningful chapter.

On the way to the next chapter, there was no need for much thought or effort because it came swiftly. It was just part of the natural flow of life. It was time for college – Cedarville. A happy bubble with challenging learning experiences, from roommate arguments to difficult professors. Those roommates, suitemates, hallmates, and ministrymates are some of the most amazing women of God I have ever met, and I felt privileged that they would choose to invest time and love into friendships that would change me forever as I headed into adulthood. Some graduated the year before me, some in the years after, but it wasn’t until I had graduated and moved out on my own that it became crystal clear how painfully lonely it could be when you can no longer wander next door to talk to one of your best friends. There were too many of them to count, let alone to name here, but I vividly recall missing them deeply, and with the missing came great hurt and sadness. Over time, the missing lost its hurting feeling, and as I look back now at that chapter, I feel sentimentally blessed at the bucket full of lessons and joyful memories it created in my heart. A few still stay loosely in touch, for which I am profoundly grateful.

The transition to the next chapter of life took great effort and initiative. After a couple of years of floundering, it became clear that being a single adult at 25 and beyond would be no piece of cake. Many, many weddings later, it was time to seek out a community of single adults that I could call home. So, I left the church I’d grown up in and moved to the north end of the city knowing full well the risks I was taking and trusting an unknown future to a very capable God. Enter Genoa and Nationwide friendships. I forgot when to sleep I spent so much time on sand volleyball courts. I negotiated through harrowing reorgs and management changes, completed a master’s degree, fell in love, and learned how to depend on true friends when Ohio State got hard and love went all wrong.

Now, for the first time, it’s not me that’s ushering in the next chapter. It’s the closest friends around me. Steph moved to Scotland. Crystal’s on her way to Georgia. Meina will go home to Indonesia. Danny’s moved on to a new relationship, and Bethany is busy raising a beautiful little boy and a farm. Almost every person that has meant anything to me over the last 4-5 years has or is moving on to the next chapter of their lives, and the investments of time and love I made in the friendships that have meant the world to me are reduced to random sightings, phone calls, skype sessions, and quarterly visits. The missing them hurts as only the closing of a chapter can. Yet, I find hope in knowing I’ve been here before, and eventually the hurt becomes a missing of beautiful memories and reminders of how the ones you love help to change you from the inside out. I will do what I can to hold on to these precious friendships as long as God will allow even as we embark on our separate paths, and I find joy in knowing that the exciting unknown that lays before these dear friends as they move forward in their journeys will be nothing short of amazing. But, it leads me to let go of the Genoa chapter of life.

As I make this next transition, I do so with great apprehension, care, and prayer. I’m not sure what the next chapter looks like yet or who the major cast of characters will be. I’m convinced someone from a past chapter may find his or her way into the new chapter ahead, and I’m thankful for my family and for friends like Amy and Neetu who will be there through the transition to the other side.

God’s not finished with me yet, and the chapters to come will continue to show that as He moves me forward, He will never leave me behind…