What I’ve Learned (or been reminded of) this Year

In no particular order…

1. Adding text messaging to a cell phone plan is well worth the money
2. Life is still quite enjoyable without cable tv
3. If you don’t pay attention you might get seriously bonked in the head with a volleyball
4. The Walk is my home regardless of who comes and/or goes
5. Most friends still disappear when they start dating
6. Friends from past life chapters are generally worth reconnecting with
7. Getting anything through UPS is frustrating!!!
8. Owning is sooo much better than renting!!!
9. Decent amounts of sleep really are necessary to function properly
10. Change is a constant state of being
11. The occasional traveling still enhances life!!!
12. Memories, whether good or bad, are truly valuable
13. Forgiving others is essential to be at peace with yourself
14. Moving full speed ahead all the time will catch up to you unless you take time to rest
15. Time really is valuable and must be handled wisely
16. God blesses obedience
17. Being in His will is as close to Home as we will get this side of Heaven
18. Mountains are generally followed by deep valleys
19. Music can influence just about every aspect of life
20. God is Good!!!

Thoughts on Obedience

I’ve been contemplating the concept of obedience lately…so I’ve tried to think of a concept for what each of the letters in the word OBEY mean to me, as I understand God’s Word.
Here’s what I came up with…

Observe
Bow to
Execute
Yes attitude

Observe – Proverbs 23:26 – I think one of the first steps in obedience is to simply sit back and observe what the Lord is showing me and telling me to do. Also, observing His ways as they play out in circumstances and the lives of those around me is a great way to realize He is a trustworthy Lord to follow. Which brings me to the next letter…

Bow to – II Chronicles 33:12-16 – I think obedience means bowing first to His ways, His leadership, His plan whether it makes sense to me or not. It is easiest to humble myself this way when I’m hurting, but necessary always. Without this humble attitude, I wonder if it is even possible to reach the next letter…

Execute – Ruth 3:5 – While I think God is absolutely looking for a willing, humble heart that observes His ways and leadership, it all comes down to execution – DOING what He tells me to do. The best of intentions don’t fulfill the act of obedience…

Yes attitude – Isaiah 26:8 – I have found that sometimes the easiest time to question God is right after having done something He has asked of me. Cause the truth is…even after an act of obedience, my heart often times may still be questioning Him about it. So, once again, whether it makes sense to me or not, I think it is necessary to have a heart attitude that tells Him Yes in order to complete this experience of fully obeying Him.

Further thought brings me to the conclusion that the above is both cyclical and concurrent. It should happen in this order and all at once…however that works…still contemplating…

Seeing the Yellow Light

I declare summer officially over – Official when I started back to my first grad class of fall quarter which has now been a full week ago…However I can’t complain…I LOVE the fall…for as long as I can remember it has been my favorite season! Just the thought of watching college football, wearing hoodies, drinking hot apple cider, picking pumpkins, walking in the brisk air, and plopping down amidst the colorful leaves makes me almost giddy!!! :)

But, I’ve found with the transition of the seasons comes a time to reflect and reevaluate…My summer was FULL – more full than I can remember any season of my life ever being…It involved LOTS of volleyball action, meals at Steak n Shake, an online grad class to contend with, and buying and moving into my very own brand new condo just as a start…I’m sure I spent no more than a handful of evenings at home alone the entire season, and while I enjoyed every minute of my full summer, I can’t help but recognize as the beautiful autumn season comes into focus, it’s beyond time for me to slooooww dooowwwn…

I’ve had enough of those going into work exhausted kind of mornings and with TWO grad classes vying for my attitude of responsibility to emerge…I think it’s time I heed the yellow light that is glaring at me on the road to the entrance of fall.

If Only...To Overcome

Lately I have felt even more keenly aware of my own weaknesses…
I’ve had no shortage of ‘friends’ more than willing to point them out to me…and I’ve even encountered some who don’t seem to think I’m all too worthwhile as a friend due to those weaknesses…

The funny thing about recognizing a weakness in yourself is that the recognition of it doesn’t necessarily help in overcoming it…at least not in my world!
The other funny thing about recognizing a weakness in yourself is that it becomes soo much easier to notice that same weakness in others…and it’s a WHOLE lot easier to expect ‘that other guy’ to overcome the weakness than it is to actually even BEGIN to overcome it yourself!!!

So I continue to pray and fall and pray and fall and pray again with every intention of eventually winning those daily battles…and I thank my Savior that his precious blood covers me with his perfection and soo look forward to the day when I will be made COMPLETELY perfect in Him with Him in Heaven! And, I can only hope that my church family will be forgiving and patient as I battle and grow and strive to overcome in the meantime…cause we are all accountable and imperfect.

Worth It???

What is a frienship worth to you???

I believe that an acquaintance is someone you may run in the same circles with, someone you just sorta run into, sometimes regularly, sometimes not.
A friend, on the other hand, is someone you invest in, someone you are willing to put out time and energy to get to know, set aside a random responsibility to spend time with, support, pray for regularly, listen to, etc.

Based on the above activities, I believe it takes work to build a friendship, any friendship, and the more time you spend with someone, the more opportunities arise for conflict, so it takes more work to resolve them. I think it’s a circular equation…more time = closer = more conflict = more work which requires more time and round and round it goes...
And ultimately, each member of a friendship is required to determine if it’s worth it…
“Is the value of this friendship worth the work I’m putting in?”

Envision a pool of time and energy inside of you – It’s all you’ve got to give…and of all the people in your life, you have to choose who you will give it to…can’t be all of them…cause that pool isn’t the size of an ocean?!?

And sometimes the answer to the above question becomes “no”…
Sometimes different chapters of life bring to the forefront the need for different friendships…
And maybe not right away…but over the course of time… you determine it's time to redirect some of that time and energy…and sometimes there really is no in between...no real option to be only half the friends you were before...and ever trying to go back is not exactly easy...

Brothers

Boy friend or Boyfriend? Difference??? Obviously!

But how often have I seen the difference become muddy, confusing, and just plain dangerous to friendships - especially friendships within the Christian community.

So here's where my observations regarding this topic have brought me in my own relationships as well as others...
Requirements:
Never make assumptions
Set up front expectations of only friendship
Build the relationship around being brother and sister in Christ
Be comfortable talking about the significant other or interests

Now...this works great in most cases, but what about when one of you wakes up one day and goes, "Oh my goodness! I think I'm in love with (friend's name here). You know it happens! Cause think of all those couples you know that started out as "just friends"...and you've heard all those people who say "friendship is the best basis for any romantic relationship - yada yada yada!" Oh, and I can't forget about the friends who patiently waited for their friend to have that aha moment and are now successfully married to him/her...

So THAT then brings me to the conclusion that the only way to deal is open, honest communication at ALL times! And when in doubt, ask! and pray that it doesn't mess anything up!!!
Cause truth is...I love my boy friends, my brothers, if you will...I'm thankful for the different perspective on life they provide, and I don't want anything to mess that up...so - Thanks guys!!! I value your friendships just as they are!!!

Blogerapy?!?

I read in some news article today that blogging can be a type of therapy. Apparently there are all kinds of studies these days to figure out who and how blogging helps.
After two full months of trying this out, I'd have to say, I see the value of putting my thoughts into words...I appreciate those who take the time to read them...and I hope somehow I make more sense to myself and others when it's all said and done!
Oh yeah, and I still blame Shannon if it all goes wrong! :P

No Coincidence

Have you ever heard a song that you know was intended to describe a romantic relationship and yet you find yourself singing it as a love song to God? I love Rascal Flatts' song "Everyday" for this very reason...

But where I'm really going with this is a little bit different...See, when Rissi Palmer's song "Hold on to Me" started playing on country radio, I really liked it, so I poked around on youtube until I found a version of it to listen to over and over again, as I like to do with songs that are brand new...

Anyway, one evening as I was listening to it, I realized that this song had a message that the Lord was trying to tell ME!
Now...here's what I REALLY love - when God tells me what He wants to tell me from multiple avenues!!!
See, at The Walk just over a week later, one of the main points of the message was to hold on to faith, to obedience, in essence, I could once again hear Him telling me, "Jenn, hold on to Me!!!

So listen to the song...and see if you can hear Him talking to you too!?!

Die, Spider!!!

I HATE spiders!!!
I know they must have some purpose in God's creation, but whatever that is, they are NOT fulfilling it inside MY apartment! I guess I should be thankful that I've lived in my apartment for almost a year now, and this is the first spider I've come face to face with; however, I would rather he had kept his distance!
I looked up and there he was, his long legs flailing around, hanging from my ceiling down at the level my head belongs...and of course, he knew I was too afraid of him to kill him, so he just laughed at me and hung there, daring me to...awful spider!!!
Eventually he spun back up to the celing and crawled around until he disappeared around my sliding glass door...I hope he left through that door!!!
Now, a side note to my heavenly Father...could I PLEASE have someone around to kill spiders the next time one decides to show up and laugh at me?!? Thank you!!!
Amen

Super Fantastic Expectations

I think I've always been aware that the standards I've set for myself are pretty high...hight high high! But more and more recently, I've noticed that tends to sneak over into my expectations of others too.

It seems those I'm closest to, those I spend quite a bit of time with, those I care about and pray for on a regular basis - I have pretty high expectations of them too...the kind of expectations that make me feel let down when they don't measure up to them...and then, sometimes, I can get crabby about it! As if it were somehow an attack on me! Makes no sense I know! But I tend to think that way...

You see...I like to think that my friends are quality, great, fabulous, wonderful people! And, the more I get to know someone, the more I believe in that person - the more I recognize the unbelievable potential for the Kindgom of God - the more I want to ensure that person sees in themselves the great, fabulousness I see in them...

So I guess the statement I'm trying to make is this...
If I have ever pushed you, bugged you, questioned you as if I expected more of you...Or if I have ever seemed disappointed in you...I'm sorry! Just know it's because I believe in you...and I think you are super fantastic regardless!

Traveling alone?!?

Well...I'm in NYC!!! Excited about the opportunities that await me and all the learning to be done at this conference...
But I already miss stuff:
CJ cat
Helping with Wee Church
Morning Worship Service
My own bed (not that this one isn't comfy!!!)
country music stations (NYC doesn't seem to have any!)

Mostly, being alone on an adventure like this makes me miss my friends and family...
I THINK I texted/called/e-mailed/IMed about a bazillion people yesterday to try to get my fix...Even tried to convince a few to come visit me here!!! :)
After all...traveling alone is BORING!!! I just kept thinking "I should be reading my Educational Research book right now to accomplish something!" But alas...I finished only one of the 5 chapters I need to have done by um...2 days from now...

Nevertheless, it all serves to remind me that God is good! He has blessed me with soo much - including this opportunity to learn at ISPI in NYC! I intend to make the most of it and have some fun along the way! Yea for a company that pays for this kind of stuff!!! AND Yea for my brand new little camera! I'm gonna put it to good use!!! :)

After the Balloons

I love the excitement of something new, time spent with someone new, the way I feel when someone takes a moment to appreciate me, lunch with family at Thanksgiving, laughing hysterically AGAIN while driving by the crazily overdecorated trailer in Grandma's town in the darkness on Christmas Eve, hearing from a peer or superior that I've completed a job well done, swinging higher, higher, higher so close to the poofy cloud sky...watching a favorite movie with a friend, playing games with friends (especially when I win!)...oh, and balloons!!! I love balloons!!!

I often find myself on a constant search for those kinds of moments...in hopes that they will be strung together like my favorite set of Christmas lights...you know...the little tiny ones that twinkle best all different colors???...but it doesn't work that way...

I've noticed over time through life that almost everytime I have one of these experiences I strive to find...on the other side is pain...
Inevitably, something unusually hard tends to follows close behind those moments I love so much. I've come to believe it's almost like a rule of the universe. You can't go to the top of the mountain without coming back down all the way to the valley, and it's always raining HARD down there!!! There is never level ground following those high points of joy and excitement...Nope! For some reason it just isn't allowed...

Chely Wright sings a song I love called Deep Down Low. Part of the song says,
"Let yourself go under
Touch the bottom of the pool
Ain't it strange and don't you wonder
How you always come back up and it's so cool...
So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go
Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darkness
You'll appreciate the light
'Cause a deep down low makes level feel so high"

I think it's true that those really painful, hard, low moments make you appreciate the everyday, mundane, blah moments of life that really aren't so bad after all!
So I guess...I've realized that while I certainly enjoy those special things that produce moments I love, I'm thankful most for the level ground. The everyday times when my God walks beside me, in front of me, behind me...and I know it's good to be alive not just on the top of the mountain, or after the rain in the valley, but on level, stable, nothing out of the ordinary ground.

Going Home

Have you ever been homesick??? Have you ever been out somewhere and just wanted to go home?
There's something so nice and comfy about home...you know just what to expect there...you don't have to wonder where to find the scissors or if you'll be able to reach your favorite plate...Everything is familar...exactly where and how you want it. It's a place of safety and security...and just... knowing...

When I was in college sometimes I would get soo homesick...the strange thing was...when I was at college I wanted to be at home with my parents...and when I was home with my parents, I wanted to be at college. No matter where I was, I felt like I wanted to go "home", and sometimes I got SOOO frustrated cause I couldn't figure out where home WAS?!? I figured when I graduated and had a place of my own, I'd finally be "home".

But, I wasn't...I spent three years in Groveport and while I recognized I was where God wanted me to be, I still didn't feel like I was "home".
Then, I moved to where I am now, and thought, maybe now I'll feel like I'm home...and for awhile, I did!!! There were boxes everywhere (still are, actually!!!), and I still felt like I was home...for a little while...
Then...about 6 months ago, things got tough at work...relationships started getting hard, harder...and suddenly I was back feeling those college days again...wishing I could go "home", but not knowing where home was...
I started envisioning the typical American dream home with the white picket fence...trying to figure out how I could afford one...cause...it looked inviting, but it wasn't right for me...not yet...and I still didn't see "home" in it...

I guess that's why God's Word tells us that this world isn't our home at all...Philippians 3:20 reminds me that my citizenship is in Heaven. Tada...Home!!! The safe, secure, comfy, familiar place I've been wanting to go all this time, but couldn't find...but now that I have figured out where home IS, I still can't get to it...not yet...but now when I get homesick...at least I know what to do...I read about Heaven, and think about all the people I love who have gone "home" before me...

For now...I'm where He wants me to be...but someday...I get to go Home!!!

Analytical Circles of Friendship

So...over the last few years I've been puzzled on and off by the very concept of friendship - what it means to be a good friend - and lately it seems this struggle has come to quite a head for me...

For instance, what is a "Best Friend"? How does one become someone's Best Friend? Is it a matter of knowing someone over time? Being a good listener? Able to make someone laugh? Availability? and how is it that people can have more than one Best Friend? Doesn't the very word Best in the title imply the inherent concept of 1 as opposed to many?
I've had very few people in my life I could call a Best Friend, none in recent years (unless you count my Mom), and as I think back on what made us close, the answers to these questions don't seem any clearer...

Even more my struggle as of late...what does it mean to be a Faithful friend? I feel this is my duty and joy, but I can't quite identify what a Faithful friend should look like...
Is this again a matter of a time requirement? You are considered a faithful friend if you stick it out over time? Or is it just about consistency, regardless of how long you have known someone?

And what happens when all you feel is drained by a friendship? When I became frustrated with a friend who shut down on me...I was certain it was time to abandon ship!!! What was the point?! For all the time, energy, and prayer I had invested, I felt I was getting little to no return on my investment. I wanted the ROI!!! Yet, I felt God clearly put me in my place! I was being selfish, He told me...I was called to be a Faithful friend regardless of what I got out of it...and when I accepted that, I felt great peace in the matter...followed by some wonderful, fun times with that friend...
Still, I don't think this is always the case...I haven't always felt such clear direction in this space with other relationships...How many of my friends over the years have drifted just far enough to be out of reach...and I felt it was the natural course of time and chapters of life...so when is it time to hold on and when is it time to let go?

Oh, and how much interaction does it take to ensure someone knows you are available to them when they need you without actually annoying them in the process?!? The last thing I want is to overwhelm anyone with too much Jenn!!! That's not a Faithful friend, that's just a mess!!!

So...I'll continue down this path of wonderment...and when I'm all done following the analytical circles in my mind, I may just still come back to the conclusion that I'll strive to be a Faithful friend...even if I don't really know what that SHOULD look like...

Newness

I'll start by saying, I've never blogged before, and I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing or what might come out of the tips of my fingers as I try...If it goes all wrong, I blame Shannon!!! :)